Saturday 27 September 2008

Opiate for the 21st Century Masses?



So, while the US and UK, the kissing cousins of the Western World face "Financial Armageddon" in the banking sector which, make no mistake, will exert a powerful tug in the purse strings of Everyman, but especially the poorest and least financially savvy among us, Gordon Brown has put together a comfort package: free loft insulation, internet access and theatre tickets. Yes, the One with the Experience and Expertise to steer us through troubled waters (albeit in an unseaworthy vessel of his own design) wants to ensure that we will be both snug and entertained (ie distracted) until the inexorably advancing moment when we lose the insulated roof over our heads and the power supply dies under an avalanche of unpaid bills. Not so long ago Our Leader expressed a wish to be compared to Emily Bronte's fictional romantic anti-hero, Heathcliff. Well, let me stretch your limits of incredulity and derision just a little further and suggest, with apologies to Karl Marx, Father of Socialism and therefore the more conventional role model for a Labour Prime Minister, that Gordon now seems to have jumped into bed (nobody tell that nice Sarah) with one of history's most unfortunate and blinkered of royal spouses, Marie Antoinette. Free oat cakes anyone?

Sunday 21 September 2008

Mean Streaks

This past week has been one for encountering unpleasant behaviour. Is it the effects of the Credit Crunch or are we just not very nice to know these days? I can understand, if not sympathise, when an estate agent hangs up on me while I'm still in mid-sentence as soon as they hear the words "not making an offer" but is it necessary for anyone to cross in front of my car, twice in one day, when the lights are quite obviously green for cars and red for pedestrians and give me the equivalent of 2 fingers to boot? Was it necessary for 50 something long time employee at our private swimming club to be quite so rude to Brian about his failure (due to zero notification) to intuit the 20p price hike in his Guest Swim? And what had I done to the dental receptionist who begrudging unlocked the door to admit me for my 2 o'clock appointment and then let it slam in my face? No less then 3 friends/family members who work in education have suffered stress this week not, as you might imagine, due to the antics of their charges but because of the insensitive behaviour and thoughtless actions of fellow staff members. Never have I felt so blessed to stay at home and commune in blissful symbiosis with my cat.

Last Monday Brian and I attended the funeral of the husband of a lovely couple who were our very first neighbours in Middletown. It came as a shock to realise that he and his wife were, at that time, slightly younger than Brian and I are now and of course we thought them over the hill. Courageous wartime service (of which he was justifiably proud) apart, Neville could have been said to have lived an unremarkable life spanning a pre-retirement retail career in groceries and later bathroom fittings leavened by an abiding love of his garden and radio comedies. He was also one of a fast disappearing species as one of Life's true gentlemen; honest, conscientious, loyal, responsible, respectful (but never obsequious) charming (but never insincere) kind and modest. During my few minutes of reflection at the end of the service I felt I was mourning more then the passing of one good and gentle man.

Wednesday 10 September 2008

Definitely Not Sav

Have you heard the one about the two Korean engineers who came to Middletown for some training and on their day off decided they would visit the birthplace of the Bard? They programmed the Sat Nav with their destination and some two hours later found themselves, disappointed and confused, in one of east London's less picturesque boroughs, plaintively bleating about "Slatford upon Affon". Boom Boom or Tom Tom or some other piece of repetitive assonance. We don't have a Sat Nav. In fact, contrary to popular expectation, given Brian's professional calling, we don't have many gadgets at all - no ipods, no wii, the amplifier on our stereo started its job in 1973 and it took me 20 years of persistent nagging to persuade Brian of the merits of investing in a power driven lawn mower, after which our back garden went from wasteland to parkland virtually overnight. We have taken trips in the cars of friends who have invested in computerised navigation devices (we call them magical mystery tours) and have had first hand testimony from others who have narrowly missed driving over a cliff while Sat Nav searched for a National Trust car park. Brian's preferred method of finding our promulgated destination is to give the initial impression that he knows what he's doing, then, with no prior warning, throw a map at me just as I've stowed my specs safely in the bottom of my handbag, while heaping opprobrium on my head on account of my rubbish navigational skills. Strangely, this strategy has proved 95% successful - I've only been forced to expose my apparently perfectly acceptable female ignorance to total strangers on a handful of exceptionally stress-laden occasions.

I was highly gratified to read that Minette Marin (Sunday Times, 7th September) shares my views on the McCain/Palin presidential bid. Despite his heroic past, McCain is simply too old, too naive and plainly too easily swayed to be in command of, whether we like it or not, what is still the most influential country on the planet.

Much as I adore Russell Brand (albeit in a spine-shivery sort of way) I don't think he will have won any fans in the Democratic camp for his inappropriate if heart felt endorsement of Barack Obama at the recent Music Video Awards. The sight of a semi-rehabilitated Britney Spears shrinking from the British Loon whilst being driven away from the scene of the crime on the back of a golf cart was well worth the price of a TV licence.

Wednesday 3 September 2008

Palin Comparison

I was horrified to hear that the 17 year old daughter of Sarah Palin (Republican John McCain's running mate for the White House, although "mate" is a bit strong as they had apparently met only once prior to her Vice Presidential nomination - electoral expediency by any chance?) is 5 months pregnant. Mine is not a moral objection, not against poor Bristol anyway, but a furious incredulity that any mother of 5 children, one only a few weeks old with the added complication of Down's Syndrome, should put herself forward to be Second in Command of any country, let alone the USA. That the regrettably named daughter is "going to keep her baby" apparently makes it alright with the vast majority of McCain/Palin supporters. Well, of course she's going to keep it - what other option is open to the daughter of such a high-profile pro-lifer? Has anyone even asked what she would like to do or why, at 17, she had fallen pregnant in the first place? Sarah Palin wants to "break the glass ceiling" (where have we heard that one before?) and prove that women can have it all. Well if they can (and the jury is still out on that one) it comes at a price not always paid by the ceiling breakers themselves. At best, Mrs Palin is putting her country before her children (one is already on his way to Iraq) at worst she is casting her family by the wayside as she marches, seemingly insouciant, along the stony path to self-aggrandisement. I could never warm to a woman who had her official photo taken while ensconced on the hide of a bear shot by her father, anyway.

At the opposite end of the Spectrum, on Sunday I found myself reading Rosie Millard's advice to the broad-sheet reading parents of little children starting school for the very first time this September. Helpful hints to avoid last minute stress:

Make the lunch boxes up/sign forms/lay out uniform the night before.

Well Duh. What does it mean when you are beginning to feel that you've already lived too long - and you're only 54?

Monday 1 September 2008

J.F.D.I.

I'll have to let you work out this particular acronym for yourselves or Blogspot will be showing me the door. It came to my attention only a couple of days ago when a friend was telling me about a recent marriage of her acquaintance which had patently lost its initial gloss, although I also have it on good authority that it is common currency in government circles - yet another indicator that Gordon is out of the loop. If you're struggling, let me tell you that it is a command which leaves the recipient in absolutely no doubt that he (or she) had better comply - pronto! I made the mistake of letting Brian in on the secret and ever since he has been rehearsing it around the house with adolescent glee. I'm not sure who, if anyone, is his intended target but Sir William has told me, through his six remaining, tightly clenched teeth, that if he ever hears it directed at either his Good Self, or his Beloved Mama, there will be a blood-bath which will make the Yorkshire Terrier Incident look like the Teddy Bears' picnic.