Wednesday 10 September 2008

Definitely Not Sav

Have you heard the one about the two Korean engineers who came to Middletown for some training and on their day off decided they would visit the birthplace of the Bard? They programmed the Sat Nav with their destination and some two hours later found themselves, disappointed and confused, in one of east London's less picturesque boroughs, plaintively bleating about "Slatford upon Affon". Boom Boom or Tom Tom or some other piece of repetitive assonance. We don't have a Sat Nav. In fact, contrary to popular expectation, given Brian's professional calling, we don't have many gadgets at all - no ipods, no wii, the amplifier on our stereo started its job in 1973 and it took me 20 years of persistent nagging to persuade Brian of the merits of investing in a power driven lawn mower, after which our back garden went from wasteland to parkland virtually overnight. We have taken trips in the cars of friends who have invested in computerised navigation devices (we call them magical mystery tours) and have had first hand testimony from others who have narrowly missed driving over a cliff while Sat Nav searched for a National Trust car park. Brian's preferred method of finding our promulgated destination is to give the initial impression that he knows what he's doing, then, with no prior warning, throw a map at me just as I've stowed my specs safely in the bottom of my handbag, while heaping opprobrium on my head on account of my rubbish navigational skills. Strangely, this strategy has proved 95% successful - I've only been forced to expose my apparently perfectly acceptable female ignorance to total strangers on a handful of exceptionally stress-laden occasions.

I was highly gratified to read that Minette Marin (Sunday Times, 7th September) shares my views on the McCain/Palin presidential bid. Despite his heroic past, McCain is simply too old, too naive and plainly too easily swayed to be in command of, whether we like it or not, what is still the most influential country on the planet.

Much as I adore Russell Brand (albeit in a spine-shivery sort of way) I don't think he will have won any fans in the Democratic camp for his inappropriate if heart felt endorsement of Barack Obama at the recent Music Video Awards. The sight of a semi-rehabilitated Britney Spears shrinking from the British Loon whilst being driven away from the scene of the crime on the back of a golf cart was well worth the price of a TV licence.

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